There is more and more talk about the Gray Divorce. People are healthier and living longer, starting second, even third careers. Along with that, some are getting divorced later in life with the hope of possibly finding new love as well.

Alicia was helping her 9-year-old son with his homework when she got a call from her mother: “I want you to  know that I can no longer continue to live with your father and that we are getting a divorce!”

Alicia knew that her parents’ marriage was not perfect – whose marriage is anyway – but she never expected that at age 38, she would be facing her parents’ divorce.

Divorcing parents of adult children may not foresee any major issues because their children are adults and have their own homes and families. Unfortunately, the effects of divorce can be as painful for adult children as for younger children, and care should be given as to how you relate to your children during these hard times.

Grandpa and Grandma, here are a few tips you may want to keep in mind:

• *You and your spouse should do your best to talk together to all your adult children about your impending divorce. No one wants to carry this kind of secret information.
• *Do not use your adult children as your confidants: children, no matter what their age, do not want to hear anything negative about the other parent, nor the many details of your divorce.
• *Your adult children may feel that their whole life was built on a “lie.” They came from a united home and suddenly, they find out that their childhood home, their backbone, is being ripped apart. Children are children no matter what their age and, in time of need, will most often turn to their parents for support. Who do they talk to now? Mom? Dad?
• *Do not expect your adult children to take care of you just because you made the decision to get a divorce. It is hard enough to see their parents getting divorced without carrying a new single parent while at the same time raising their own family.
• *Adult children of divorce are more aware of the pain their parents are going through than younger children, just because they are adults.
• *Your divorce may trigger doubts in your adult children’s minds about the stability of their own relationships, and although there is not much you can do about it, just being aware and attentive to their state of mind is important.
• *Discuss with your adult children who will tell the grandchildren and what they will be told. Your adult children have the final say on how to handle their own children.
• *While visiting the grandchildren, please make sure not to say anything negative about the other grandparent. The grandchildren would be very distressed to hear criticism of their loving grandparents.

Do you have any other helpful tips for parents of adult children getting a divorce? Please share them by posting them in the reply box below for other people to read.

jennifer safian
divorce and family mediator

phone: (212) 472-8626
email: [email protected]
website: www.safianmediation.com

Divorce and Family Mediation
Upper East Side of Manhattan (NYC)
New York, NY