When a couple thinks about divorcing, their marriage is usually already at a point where there is lots of anger and hurt, or worse than that, indifference.  The major problem with any marriage is usually non-communication.  You may be surprised when a mediator tells you that your marriage lacks communication because you have always spoken with your spouse.  Communication between two spouses is not just speaking to each other, but speaking about important things that have a role in your marriage. 

Some of these issues may involve:

• finances
• control
• children
• criticism
• lack of respect for each other
• or dozens of other points

Oftentimes people let their emotions rule over their behavior and actions.  This is toxic in a relationship because it can cause more damage than the original problem.  Words do hurt and once spoken, they can never be made unheard.  Strong emotions often throw care and caution to the wind and hurl every hurt at the spouse that has been perceived rightly or wrongly over the years of marriage.  The spouse counters that with filing for divorce.  Crossing the Rubicon could have been avoided by simply taking a deep breath and going to a) a marriage counselor and b) speaking with a mediator.

Divorce mediators usually have some background in psychology and wisely use their experience to help couples save their marriage, if possible.  Rather than dissolving a union that has held up for fifteen years, the mediator helps to pinpoint the cause of discontent and lead the couple into their own thought process on how to resolve the issues.  It must be understood that a mediator has no legal power over you.  He or she has the job of trying to be an impartial listener without judging or blaming either party.

When a divorce involves children, a mediator should be the natural second step, right after marriage counseling, for the battling couple.  The welfare of the children must always be first and foremost in the mind of the parents.  Sometimes a marriage cannot be saved.  Problems may be insurmountable for one or both of the spouses.  When no therapy and no amount of effort will pull the couple together, the effect that marriage has on the children must be seriously taken into consideration.  The mediator may, under such circumstances, advise the couple to seek a trial separation rather than going immediately through divorce litigation.  A mediator may be able to give advice that is the best avenue to take under the circumstances.