Believe me, I understand the conundrum. So many good mediators and so little time! Let me facilitate your decision process!

To be brief, every mediator has a different personality, experience level, background and approach to mediation all of which should influence your choice of them as a “practitioner of mediation”.

Regarding my background, beyond my 12 years of musical training, I hold an Ivy League undergraduate degree, an advanced scientific degree, and have authored or co-authored over one dozen peer-reviewed publications, and am listed as co-inventor on several patents. I also hold an MBA in Finance with honors. The benefit is that I am skilled in understanding and communicating both complex technical and financial issues.

I have served as either an instructor or as an adjunct professor in both the sciences and business – the advantage in mediation is that I can simplify and communicate complex issues in an understandable manner. I also have experience as a market research moderator and analyst.  (I have sat in countless facilities across the country with up to one dozen physicians [some charming, some tired, and belligerent], and successfully managed their communications regarding their practices.) The benefit here is that I understand interpersonal dynamics on a group level and have fine-tuned both my interpersonal and data-driven analytical skills, all of which are advantageous in mediation.

And, finally let me relate some additional background info and experience specific to the practice of mediation: I have completed a paralegal training program with honors at FDU; a number of training programs in both civil and family mediation, as well as municipal mediation; and the Storm Sandy Mediation training program. I am a court-appointed civil mediator, and on the roster of Storm Sandy NJ mediators. I have mediated dozens of mediation cases over the last several years, and have received favorable reviews from the parties involved.

For even more detailed information on my background and overall experience to date you can review my curriculum vitae on my website or the background experience summary on this website.

I believe in a flexible mediation process, certainly there are rules to follow, but, overall, the interpersonal dynamics govern the process.

Realize that mediation is a process, a process not set in stone, but very dependent on context and audience. The analogy I prefer is to compare a mediator with an orchestra conductor. There are many composers and many different unique musical compositions by each, and each conductor will interpret them differently.

The endpoint or goal (like the settlement in mediation) is to produce a pleasant musical interpretation of the musical piece being performed.

The conductor has to first, gain the respect of the orchestra, and clearly outline his or her expectations (equivalent in mediation to what I call “setting the stage”). Then the conductor must evaluate the orchestra as to their relative strengths and weaknesses and prepare for and plan the performance accordingly (what I call “leveling the playing field” in mediation).

Just as the mediation process has a beginning, a middle, and an end, so does the process of conducting an orchestra performing a musical composition. The conductor must conduct the beginning (“fact finding, emotional release, and empathy” in mediation); the middle parts (“clarification, confirmation and negotiation” in mediation); and finally the conclusion of the piece (settlement in mediation).

Each mediator, and each conductor, will vary in their interpretation of the process. The process will also vary depending upon the players (i.e., the orchestra in musical conducting, or the parties and their respective counsels in mediation) and the issues involved. The beauty of this if you are a music lover is that you can anticipate a different performance of the same piece, on different nights, even if you were to attend the same performance with the same players. The same is true of the mediation process.

The challenge in choosing a mediator is that one can’t make a choice based simply on background and experience alone – the mediator’s personality and approach are key drivers of success in mediation. And the key is that the approach needs to be flexible.

So, besides differences in background and experience, how does one begin to differentiate oneself based upon personality, approach, and flexibility?

Let me speak first to my transferrable skill set and personality: I am on the higher sociability side by nature, have a keen sense of humor, and can connect with people rather quickly, all of which definitely work to my advantage in setting the stage for the mediation. I have honed my analytical skills and interpersonal skills so that I have become quite adept at leveling the playing field during mediation while still remaining neutral. Despite my readiness to engage with all parties, I have learned that silence can be golden at key points during the clarification, confirmation and negotiation stage of the mediation. Given my creative background (I was trained as a classical pianist!) I always emphasize the possibilities for creative options both before and during the final settlement process.

Lastly, I enjoy people, working with people, and helping them to resolve at least some of their conflicts, and restore the music and harmony in their lives.

So, email me, or call me, or both! I would enjoy speaking with about your issues. Then, based on the conversation, you can be comfortable in your choice!

Lawrence D. Tobias MS, MBA

[email protected]

(862) 81-20698

“Mediation is not just in my DNA, it is in my soul!”