Mediation is one of the most effective tools for settling alimony disputes.  It can be used throughout a divorce to create an arrangement that works for both spouses, but is especially helpful regarding alimony.  Most attorneys find their clients are willing to negotiate alimony, as long as the negotiations are respectful, and their concerns are understood by everyone involved.

Alimony is often one of the most contentious issues in a divorce.  Spouses can work through parenting time and child support issues because they can put the best interest of the children at the forefront of their decisions.  Division of property might also be determined in the best interest of the children.  Alimony is based only on providing support or receiving support from someone whom you no longer have a romantic relationship.  The debate over who should pay what to whom is hampered by ego and it is easy for alimony negotiations to spin out of control.

Mediation keeps things under control and ensures that everyone’s concerns are taken into account.  Skilled mediators can guide divorcing couples toward a civilized understanding of the situation.  Often, alimony is a temporary arrangement, so when each spouse is able to view it as a means to an end, they are more willing to accept the situation.

Finally, mediation also alleviates the tendency for divorcing spouses to use alimony against one another.  Instead of punishing a spouse with an alimony arrangement, it becomes a tool used to help both spouses lead independent lives once their marriage has ended.  Nobody is being punished – they are each simply given an opportunity to successfully live separate lives.  Mediators can paint a picture of independent living and encourage spouses to negotiate a settlement that is fair and appropriate for meeting both of their long-term goals.

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Alimony, known as spousal support in some states, is one of the most hotly contested issues in a divorce.  Mediation can be an effective tool for settling disputes related to alimony.  When a divorcing couple is unable to settle on an arrangement that is fair, mediation can bring them together in a controlled environment to discuss the issues.

In most states, alimony that is determined by the courts is based on a standard set of guidelines.  Additionally, many states now allow for only temporary alimony, which is intended to assist one spouse in working toward self-sufficiency following a divorce.  Despite the guidelines that are in place for determining alimony, some couples still face challenges when settling on an amount and duration for payments.

Since alimony is also contingent on other factors, such as distribution of property and responsibilities for children and the home, it can be difficult for couples to reach a settlement they both believe to be fair.  It is these intangible issues that are often discussed in detail during mediation.  The mediator’s role is to help each spouse understand one another’s role during the marriage and how that affects the arrangement going forward.  The goal of mediation in alimony disputes is to avoid the vindictive nature that can arise during litigation and focus on creating an arrangement that makes sense and works for everyone involved.

Guiding clients toward mediation can be a challenge because there are so many emotions involved in divorce.  They might be fearful they will miss out or be taken advantage of if they attempt a compromise.  Once they understand that mediation gives them complete control over the outcome – more so than they would have in litigation – they are often willing to give mediation a try.  Ultimately, it is the best tool available to help them achieve their goals.

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Equitable asset distribution following a divorce doesn’t always go smoothly, and when there’s tension, determining “who gets what” can only worsen it.   Since a large percentage of divorces follow months (and even years) of arguments and disputes between a divorcing couple, asset distribution can be seen as a sort of final straw that brings the couple’s conflict to its worst stage—and there’s good reason for this.

Assets and property are tied to emotions.   A home that the couple shared, and potentially even raised a family in, holds memories and a sense of security that are difficult to let go of.   The items within that home—perhaps items that the couple purchased together during better days—remind of a time when there was happiness instead of conflict, or romance instead of emotional distance.   Therefore, dividing up these assets often ends up being a highly emotional process, since there is more happening than what’s on the surface.

 Added to this is the financial uncertainty that divorce almost always brings to both spouses.   Such uncertainty can escalate the desire to keep as much property and assets as possible.   Since one spouse will likely stay in the marital home while the other finds a new place to live, the spouse who is moving out will have the additional financial concerns of purchasing new furniture and paying moving expenses.   Without acknowledging this, one partner could end up shouldering more of the financial burden of the divorce than the other, prompting added resentment to an already bitter situation.

These issues all add up to the necessity of communicating openly about asset distribution, and there is no better legal process to do this than asset distribution mediation.   Asset distribution mediation allows the divorcing couple to discuss the financial implications of the divorce, along with the most fair way to equally divide assets between them.   A trained asset distribution mediator will be able to suggest ways in which the couple can do this without the added tension of “lawyering up” and attempting to take as much as possible with them in the divorce out of spite or anger.

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Child custody battles are too often bitter and destructive, leaving children in the center of a tug-of-war that has little to do with their best interests.  This is especially true when the custody struggle takes place in a litigated setting, as lawyers battle for their client’s best interest rather than the children who are at the center of the battle.

Any parent who has been through this and who has seen the negative effects it has will admit that litigation is not always the best way to handle it.  However, when a couple is divorcing and both want to spend time with their children that they love dearly, how can it be settled otherwise with fewer negative consequences?

The answer is simple: child custody mediation.  In child custody mediation, a neutral third-party mediator works with divorcing or separating parents to determine a child custody arrangement and schedule that has minimal impact on the child’s life and that avoids the bitter contention of a courtroom battle.  In child custody mediation, the parents work together (instead of against each other) to determine what is best for them and their family.

 The approach a child custody mediator will take is one that involves a frank, honest discussion about how the custody and visitation schedule would work to benefit everyone (most especially the children).  In the child custody mediation process, the divorcing couple would be encouraged to work together to come up with the following:

• A custody and visitation schedule
• The list of possible foreseeable exceptions that would deviate from the regular schedule, such as holidays and vacations
• The method in which the divorcing parents will communicate with each other about the children; for example, regarding school issues, homework, extracurricular activities, etc.
• How special issues will be handled, such as religious exposure, medical care, etc.

Child custody mediation works because it encourages open and honest communication about the important topics rather than a battle that is all about selfish motives.  This honest communication is the initial step to ensuring that a divorce or separation has minimal impact on their children’s lives and emotional health.