According to the most recent statistics released by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), sexual harassment claims are decreasing in the workplace.  While this is certainly good news, the numbers are still higher than they should be and mediators are often responsible for dealing with the breakdown in communications and leadership that bring clients to the mediation table to attempt to settle workplace sexual harassment disputes.

For a brief glimpse of the scope of workplace sexual harassment incidences, in 2011, there were 11,364 sexual harassment claims brought to the EEOC, which was down slightly from the numbers in 2010 (11,717). Of these claims, 83.7% were filed by females and 16.3% were filed by males.

Times Have Changed
While social norms surrounding age, culture and a host of other social constructs contributes to sexual harassment, the root of the issue is in changing times and changing levels of acceptable behaviors.  Anyone who has ever seen the hit television show, Mad Men, can clearly observe that what once was perfectly acceptable in the workplace regarding the interaction between men and women is no longer acceptable.  Not only have women fought to be recognized with equal pay and equal advancement opportunities, but they no longer have to bear the brunt of male chauvinism and remarks about their appearance while on the job.

And sexual harassment is not limited to male-on-female advances; as the figures above show, 16.3% of the harassment claims have been filed by men.  This makes the issue an on-going problem that is experienced by both sexes and can cause serious trouble for any manager who is attempting to keep employees happily working together.

The Biggest Obstacle for Mediators Working With Sexual Harassment Disputes
Since what is acceptable and what is not has changed quite drastically within a few decades, the most obvious issue at hand is often a generational gap or a gap in code between older and younger employees.  It is also something that—in some workplaces—is more “frowned upon” by management than actually dealt with, and herein lies the biggest obstacles facing mediators working with sexual harassment disputes.

When a manager, or any other employee, witnesses sexual harassment but doesn’t make obvious and real efforts to stop it, the person who is sexually harassing is receiving mixed messages.  On the one hand, company policy might tell him or her that sexual harassment is not acceptable, but on the other hand, he or she might notice that people turn a blind eye or laugh uncomfortably when it happens.  If nothing real is done about it, then the action is silently approved—regardless of what the company’s policies and procedures manual says about it.

This is why a mediator’s biggest hurdle is in convincing upper management that swift action must be taken each and every time sexual harassment occurs in the workplace.  Managers should be informed that their obvious effort to quell the act is the most important thing they can do to ensure that it doesn’t continue to happen.  When a simple “slap on the wrist” occurs once, the perpetrator is led to believe that he or she can continue sexually harassing a co-worker, as long as it’s done behind closed doors.  This is the kind of thought pattern that leads to major problems in the future.

Guidelines Mediators Can Suggest
In order to convince clients that sexual harassment in the workplace needs to be dealt with quickly and definitively; there are guidelines that mediators can suggest to upper management to ensure that it doesn’t become a consistent struggle in their workplace.  For example, having a clearly written code of conduct or other policy document in place is crucial, but equally crucial is making sure that all employees are aware of it and are aware that there will be consequences if it isn’t followed.  Employees and managers alike benefit when expectations of behavior are clearly stated and understood.

Involved in a dispute or difficult conflict with another person?  If so, you might be handling things the wrong way and adding to the conflict rather than resolving it.  Below are some of the top tips to having a difficult conversation with someone in order to minimize conflict as much as possible:

1. Be clear with your message and purpose.  Conflict requires openness and honesty before a resolution to it can be reached.  Be specific about why you are having the discussion and what you hope to gain from it.
2. Don’t assume the worst.  Often, conflict can be worsened because we enter into the conversation with our own ideas of the other person.  “They are selfish,” “they don’t care if they hurt me,” etc., are all mentalities that can hamper the resolution process and should be avoided if you hope to accomplish something with the discussion.  Don’t assume that the other person is spiteful, hurtful, or vengeful; assume that it is simply a matter of faulty communication and things left unsaid instead.
3. Make the other person feel safe.  When you enter into a conversation in attack mode, the other person involved will enter into it in defensive mode.  Nothing gets accomplished like this and communication is weakened by the emotional interplay occurring.  If you need to have a difficult conversation with someone, it is important that first and foremost you make them feel safe.  Let them know that you plan to listen to their side of the story and see everything from their perspective.  Only then can honest (and useful) communication happen.
4. Recognize and acknowledge emotions involved.  There’s a difference between ignoring emotions and avoiding becoming emotional.  When you ignore emotions and refuse to communicate them, you are setting yourself up to fail in the resolution process because emotions MUST be acknowledged.  However, becoming overly emotional (through tears, anger, raised voices, etc.) usually does more to hamper the conflict resolution process than help it.  Learning to walk the line between recognizing/accepting emotions and letting them get the upper hand is crucial.

The Wheel of Conflict—created by Bernard Mayer, Ph.D. and Christopher Moore, Ph.D.—is a graphic representation of the factors that give rise to potential conflict.  The concept of the Wheel of Conflict is important for anyone involved in dispute resolution because with it, one can prepare for complicated and tense interactions with another person.  Consisting of structure, emotions, history, communication, and values, the points of conflict along the wheel remind us of the contentious points that separate one person’s feelings and experience from another person’s.

Bernard Mayer, Ph.D., is Professor at the Werner Institute for Negotiation and Dispute Resolution at Creighton University, and Christopher Moore, Ph.D. has worked in the field of decision making and conflict management for more than 20 years and is an internationally known mediator and facilitator, as well as author in the field of conflict management. Both men understand conflict and what creates it, and have determined the most important points to be:

• Structure—this is the dynamics of the participants that might be creating the conflict, for example, boss and employee.
• Emotions—emotions are powerful drivers to the human psyche and the decision-making process.  Ignoring one’s emotions, or the emotions of others, can be devastating to the conflict resolution process.
• History—a person’s past experiences and the history of a relationship between two people involved in conflict plays a significant role in the resolution process.
• Communication—many don’t realize that humans communicate through both verbal and nonverbal methods.  Paying attention to both ways of communicating is an integral part of the conflict resolution process and could easily hamper it if one person is talking one way and acting (or posturing) another.
• Values—different people have different needs and goals.  To assume that everyone thinks the same way you do about something is erroneous and can cause problems in the conflict resolution process.  Accepting that each person shares his or her own value system—a system that has been a part of their lives since childhood and is not likely to change—is one way to begin the process of successful resolution.