Stanley Posthumus

 
I believe that all we need to solve every problem is enough information– along with the know-how to use it.  A key element of Beyond Win-Win mediation is focus on communication and relationship building, whether or not you decide to divorce.

• I developed Focused Thinking Mediation over many years.  This methodology embodies a unique way of understanding and explaining communication that empowers both talking and listening. What you learn about communication during the mediation will be useful to you in every walk of life - in all your relationships.
• Communication is the key to problem solving in relationships.  I am an educator as well as a mediator and after training many mediators I decided to incorporate some of the lessons into actual mediations.   The results were phenomenal as I found that couples who had undergone training in communication skills were able to resolve their issues much faster and more amicably.
• Through Focused Thinking Mediation couples learn how to put their two disparate 2-dimensional pictures of their realities together into a 3 dimensional picture of one and the same reality.  I will teach you to communicate differently, to build the relationship you want, to change to be who you want to be, and to resolve conflict in a way that builds relationships you want.
• You will learn to communicate differently so you get different results. We teach you to communicate differently, how to build the relationship you want, how to change and how to resolve conflict in a way that builds relationships.
• You will find that the communication skills taught and reinforced by the mediator will help guide you to a rapid settlement of the various issues related to the divorce
  • Child custody, child support, and visitation / parenting is all about what is in the best interests of your children and should not be influenced by selfishness on the part of a parent who does not want to pay, or vindictiveness towards a soon to be ex-spouse.
  • Division of assets can be more easily agreed if both parties can truly see the other’s point of view and work together on creative solutions that they own with the mediator as a facilitator.

 
Many couples have changed their minds many times before engaging a lawyer or mediator.  I believe that lawyers and most other mediators make a mistake in guiding the couple towards a divorce as the only possible outcome for the issues facing them, and that the issue of whether to divorce or not is often one of the core issues that should be resolved in the mediation. Consider these points before choosing a mediator:

• Research shows that in 80% of cases one party does not believe that divorce is the solution to the problems the couple is facing.  Beyond Win-Win mediation will help you come to a joint decision whether to divorce or not, like you made a joint decision to get married.
  • With Beyond Win-Win mediation, we will start by exploring what issues have led to the breakdown of the marriage.  This is not designed as marriage therapy, but I have found that as both parties hear each other’s reasons for unhappiness, and learn better ways of listening and communicating with each other, the obstacles that stand in the way of agreement over whether to divorce or not are overcome with the help of the mediator.
  • The point of the mediation is not marriage therapy, but many couples who engage me to mediate their divorce settlement have changed their minds as a result of the mediation and have gone on to rebuild a healthy and happy lasting marriage.
  • Please take the time to review the videos on the testimonials page.
• Those who divorce will also improve their future relationships by applying the listening and communication skills learned during the mediation.
• Other professionals in general are very careful to keep 'counseling' and 'therapy' out of mediation. They stay away from healing old wounds.  This tends to perpetuate the aggravation and tension that couples must endure, and it is often the children who suffer more than the parents.

• Because the Beyond Win-Win mediation style is very efficient at solving your issues in the least amount of time, you will have to take minimal time off work.  Often all matters are resolved in a single long afternoon session.   I have found that this is more effective than several hour-long meetings to keep the conversation flowing and avoid covering the same ground multiple times.
• Typically you will get a written record of the mediation outcome (Memorandum of understanding) the same or the next day which you can then have reviewed by your attorney.
• In contrast, regular mediators typically require many sessions over weeks or months, while litigation can take months or years to reach a settlement.

 
Divorce can wreak havoc on your financial stability for years to come.   I respect your need to resolve the issues facing you in the least possible amount of time without having to incur new debts.  Consider these points:

• Lawyers seldom start with a retainer less than $3000 and litigation can cost tens of thousands of dollars.  I have helped many couples reach settlements even after they have wasted many months and vast sums of money on unsuccessful litigation.  
• Mediation fees vary tremendously.  Some mediators offer a "free consult" to trap you into working with them. Free consults with lawyers will frighten you into fighting.  At Beyond Win-Win the initial telephonic consultations are always free.  I am happy to talk to you and your spouse individually about the mediation process and answer any questions you may have prior to meeting for the first time.
• Professional fees are generally related to time spent.  Lawyers will likely ensure that your case is dragged on for as long as possible, and charge for every letter sent.  Mediations with less well trained mediators who focus only on mediating the settlement of issues will likely take much longer than the Beyond Win-Win approach where learning good ways of communication is a key element of the process.
• With the Beyond Win-Win techniques most matters are settled with just one or two sessions, so fees will not be racked up for months with a nasty surprise at the end.
• I understand if you are under financial stress – this is one of the leading factors for divorce.   I will not skimp on service because you have a limited budget and will work with you to build a payment plan that suits you.  I also offer a reduced fee for families who are truly in financial difficulties.
• Please call to discuss fees as every case is unique, but rest assured you will never be over charged.